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Billboard’s got this nack for making lists that make no sense to me. Here’s the rules for this one:
“Sexy” is a relative term — one man’s baby-makin’ music might be his woman’s soundtrack for a snoozefest. But there’s nothing subjective about this list. These are, literally, the 50 most popular songs about sex ever, as based on each song’s performance on the Billboard Hot 100 chart (from August 4, 1958 — the inception of the Hot 100 chart — through the Jan. 16, 2010 issue). Some songs are steamy slow-jams, some are hi-octane arena-rockers, but what they all have in common (and what got them on this list) is that the subject matter of each song is directly related to sex, in some way. No more, no less. Got it? Now let’s knock some boots.
Songs are ranked based on an inverse point system, with weeks at No. 1 earning the greatest value and weeks at No. 100 earning the least. To ensure equitable representation of the biggest hits from each era, certain time frames were weighted to account for the difference between turnover rates from those years.
Got that?
OK, given that, here’s their list:
| Rank | Song | Performer | Key Lyric |
| 50 | Urgent | Foreigner | “I’m not looking for a love that will last/ I know what I need and I need it fast” |
| 49 | She Bop | Cyndi Lauper | “Do I wanna go out with a lion’s roar / I wanna go south n get me some more” |
| 48 | Sexy Can I | Ray J & Yung Berg | “Then we take it to the bed, then we take it to the floor/ Then we chill for a second, then I hit that a** some more” |
| 47 | Freak Like Me | Adina Howard | “Cause I will be a freak until the day until the dawn/ And we can pump, pump all through the night till the early morn” |
| 46 | Me & U | Cassie | “I know them other guys, they been talking bout the way I do what I do/ They heard I was good, they wanna see if it’s true/ They know you’re the one I wanna give it to” |
| 45 | Wild Thing | Tone Loc | Took her to the limousine still parked outside / I tipped the chauffeur when it was over, and I gave her my own ride |
| 44 | I Want Your Sex | George Michael | “Every man’s got his patience, and here’s where mine ends/ I want your sex” |
| 43 | Dim All The Lights | Donna Summer | “Don’t leave even one drop, no do it tonight/ You know the moments are right, turn my brown body white” |
| 42 | Raspberry Beret | Prince | “They say the first time ain’t the greatest/ But I tell ya, if I had the chance 2 do it all again/ I wouldn’t change a stroke” |
| 41 | Rub You The Right Way | Johnny Gill | “Can you feel the magic in my hands/ When I touch and rub you the right way/ Stroke applied with tenderness/ When I hold and rub you the right way” |
| 40 | Slow Motion | Juvenile feat. Soulja Slim | “If you loving my bark let me bury my bone/ I got 4 or 5 bad merry b****es at home” |
| 39 | Feel Like Makin’ Love | Roberta Flack | “When you talk to me, when you’re moanin’ sweet & low/ When you’re touchin’ me and my feelin’s start to show” |
| 38 | Pillow Talk | Sylvia | “Ooh, I don’t wanna see you be no fool/ What I’m teachin’ you tonight, Boy, you’ll never learn it in school” |
| 37 | Pour Some Sugar on Me | Def Leppard | “You got the peaches I got the cream/ Sweet to taste saccharine” |
| 36 | Bump N’ Grind | R. Kelly | “See I know just what you want and I know just what you need, girl/ So baby bring your body to me” |
| 35 | Unskinny Bop | Poison | “You’re sayin’ my love won’t do ya/ But that ain’t love written on your face/ Well honey I can see right through ya/ We’ll see whose ridin’ who at the end of the race” |
| 34 | Sexual Healing | Marvin Gaye | “Baby I’m hot just like an oven/ I need some lovin’” |
| 33 | Love To Love You Baby | Donna Summer | “Do it to me again and again/ You put me in such an awful spin” |
| 32 | Lady Marmalade | Labelle | Voulez-vouz coucher avec moi, ce soir? |
| 31 | Slegehammer | Peter Gabriel | “Open up your fruitcage, where the fruit is as sweet as can be” |
| 30 | Work It | Missy Elliott | “You do or you don’t or you will or won’t cha/ Go downtown and eat it like a vulcha?” |
| 29 | Slow Hand | The Pointer Sisters | “I want a lover with an easy touch/ I want somebody who will spend some time/ Not come and go in a heated rush” |
| 28 | All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You | Heart | “So we found this hotel/ It was a place I knew well/ We made magic that night/ Oh, he did everything right” |
| 27 | Love In This Club | Usher feat. Young Jeezy | “Let’s go get undressed right here/ Keep it up girl and I swear/ I’mma give it to you nonstop/ And I don’t care who’s watching” |
| 26 | Romantic | Karyn White | “Under the moonlight, with the stars shining so bright/ Baby, my mind is on love when we get home tonight, ooh” |
| 25 | Smack That | Akon feat. Eminem | “Maybe go to my place and just kick it like Tae Bo/ And possibly bend you over, look back and watch me smack that” |
| 24 | Ignition | R. Kelly | “See, I’ll be doin’ about 80 on your freeway/ Girl, I won’t stop until I drive you crazy” |
| 23 | Do Me! | Bell Biv Devoe | ” Move to the Jacuzzi, ooh, that booty/ Smack it up, flip it, rub it down, oh, nooo!” |
| 22 | Freak Me | Silk | “Let me lick you up and down, ’til you say stop/ Let me play with your body, baby, make you real hot” |
| 21 | Shake You Down | Gregory Abbott | “I can’t stop thinking of the things we do/ The way you call me, baby, when I’m holding you” |
| 20 | Afternoon Delight | Starland Vocal Band | “Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite/ And the thought of rubbin’ you is getting so exciting” |
| 19 | Candy Shop | 50 Cent feat. Olivia | “I’ll take you to the candy shop, I’ll let you lick the lollipop” |
| 18 | The First Night | Monica | “Boy this evening, was it only me?/ Feeling completely, down to be open … for some satisfaction/ Didn’t want to say yes, for fear of your reaction” |
| 17 | Ring My Bell | Anita Ward | “Well lay back and relax while I put away the dishes/ Then you and me can rock |
| 16 | Promiscuous | Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland | “I can see you with nothing on/ Feeling on me before you bring that on” |
| 15 | You’re Makin’ Me High | Toni Braxton | “I can imagine you touching my private parts/ With just the thought of you, I can’t help but touch myself” |
| 14 | I Want To Sex You Up | Color Me Badd | “Let me take off all your clothes/ Disconnect the phone so nobody knows, yeah” |
| 13 | Bad Girls | Donna Summer | “Friday night and the strip is hot/ Sun’s gone down and they’re about to trot/ Spirit’s high and they look hot/ Do you wanna get down?” |
| 12 | Lollipop | Lil Wayne | “Shawty wanna hump/ You know I like to touch your lovely lady lumps” |
| 11 | Honky Tonk Women | The Rolling Stones | “I laid a divorcee in New York City/ I had to put up some kind of a fight/ The lady then she covered me with roses/ She blew my nose and then she blew my mind” |
| 10 | Da Ya Think I’m Sexy | Rod Stewart | “His heart’s beating like a drum ‘cos at last he’s got this girl home/ Relax baby, now we are alone” |
| 9 | Kiss You All Over | Exile | “Gonna wrap my arms around you, hold you close to me/ Oh, babe, I wanna taste your lips, I wanna fill your fantasy” |
| 8 | Like A Virgin | Madonna | “Oooh, like a virgin/ Feels so good inside” |
| 7 | Do That To Me One More Time | Captain & Tennille | “Do that to me one more time/ Once is never enough with a man like you” |
| 6 | Hot Stuff | Donna Summer | “Wanna share my love with a warm blooded lover/ Wanna bring a wild man back home” |
| 5 | Let’s Get It On | Marvin Gaye | “Don’t you know how sweet and wonderful life can be?/ I’m asking you, baby, to get it on with me” |
| 4 | Too Close | Next | “Baby when we’re grinding, I get so excited/ Ooh, how I like it, I try but I can’t fight it” |
| 3 | I’ll Make Love To You | Boyz II Men | “Throw your clothes, on the floor/ I’m gonna take my clothes off too/ I made plans to be with you” |
| 2 | Tonight’s The Night | Rod Stewart | “You’d be a fool to stop this tide/ Spread your wings and let me come inside” |
| 1 | Physical | Olivia Newton-John | I took you to an intimate restaurant, then to a suggestive movie/ There’s nothing left to talk about unless it’s horizontally |
I kid you not. I did not make this up. The sexiest song of all time according to these people, this group of people, is Physical by Olivia Newton-John. Think about that, when these peeps are ready to make their move, they pop on some Olivia Newton-John. Toss in a little Captain & Tennille and by the time Starland Vocal Band is finished, they’re in the sack, guaranteed.
Honestly, this is too weird for me. Kinda scary. Check that. Very scary. In trying to understand this perverted, sick, disgusting list of lameness over decades, I read where they were constrained by rank. But, that in itself makes for a goofball list and they should know that. Not one single person on this planet thought that Afternoon Delight was actually sexy in any way. It was corny. It was so stupid and hokey you couldn’t help but love it. ”Sparks to ignite, afternoon delight”. I mean, come on Billboard peeps, the song was a joke! Physical was Olivia’s attempt to convince the world she wasn’t a goofball understudy to John Travolta. It didn’t work then. Some of these people are nobodies. They were unknown then, they had a freak hit, and they disappeared. As with any classic list, you need endurance. I’ve got some ideas for what I think would be a much better “sexy” list.
Now, for starters, I don’t pin myself in with some bizarre definition of what a sexy song is. Under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever would Urgent ever be considered a sexy song. None. He could be talking about getting laid, he could be talking about taking a pee. Anything with thugs in it is disqualified on my list. Scratch about 1/4 of their list for that. Additionally, if no one knows who they are now, scratch it. Flying solo doesn’t really get it for “sexy” with me either. I mean, the whole point of “sexy” is pairing up. Some songs are so sexy, me love them long time. Donna Summer deserves to be all over the list. However, it was “I Feel Love” that got her going, not “Love to Love You, Baby”. I Feel Love however was the first song I can recall that basically was nothing but a six minute orgasm. Debbie Harry would follow suit, but not quite as effectively. Jimmy Bufffett quantified the 80’s. Anyone in college during the late 70’s to, well, today, absolutely lives by Jimmy’s lead. It may not have been a #1 hit on Billboard, but it’s been in play since the 70’s, and people pay good money to hear it today. Love The One You’re With was the same for the 60’s. Young men decided not to shave, or wear deoderant. In order to get some they had to use harder drugs and and convince the babes to sleep with anything available. It worked occasionally. By the 80’s sex was about the only thing big hair could sing about, so I left them out for the most part due to over-saturation. Same with Rap. I think what’s left is still a lot more fun than what Billboard could come up with.
| ACDC | The Jack | She gave me the jack, but it sure was good. |
| ACDC | Whole Lotta Rosie | Aint no fairy story, aint no skin and bone, she’s given it all she’s got, weighin in at nineteen stone. |
| ACDC | You Shook Me | She told me to come, but I was already there. |
| ACDC | Touch Too Much | She had the face of an angel, smiling with sin, and a body like Venus with arms. Dealing with danger, stroking my skin, like a thunder and lightning storm. |
| Jimmy Buffett | Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw | I really do appreciate the fact you’re sittin here, your voice sounds so wonderful, but yer face don’t look too clear. So bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o brew. Honey, why don’t we get drunk and screw |
| Donna Summer | I Feel Love | Oooh, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good. Oooh |
| Blondie | Atomic | Oh, tonight, Atomic, Oh |
| The Knack | My Sharona | Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind. |
| The Raspberries | I Wanna Be With You | Close your eyes and be still. |
| Aerosmith | Big Ten Inch Record | Last night I tried to tease her, I gave my love a little pinch. She said now stop that jivin’, now whip out your big 10 inch |
| Aerosmith | Walk This Way | I met a cheerleader, was a real young bleeder, oh, the times I could reminisce, ’cause the best things of lovin’ with her sister and her cousin only started with a little kiss, like this! |
| The Raspberries | All the Way | I never knew how complete love could be till she kissed me and said “baby, please, go all the way.” |
| Heart | Magic Man | Try to understand, he’s a magic man, he’s got the magic hands |
| Crosby Stills Nash and Young | Love the one you’re with | If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with |
| Lucina Williams | Righteously | When you run your hand all up and run it back down my leg, Get excited and bite my neck, Get me all worked up like that. |
| George Clinton | Atomic Dog | Why must I feel like that? Why must I chase the cat? Nothin’ but the dog in me |
| Ted Nugent | Cat Scratch Fever | I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand |
| Prince | Little Red Corvette | A body like yours oughta be in jail, Cuz it’s on the verge of bein’ obscene, Move over, baby, gimme the keys, I’m gonna try 2 tame your little red love machine |
| Prince | Darling Nikki | I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine. She said how’d u like 2 waste some time. And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind |
This weekend we had our annual Master Musician Festival. It’s a rather large gala here that stretches over two or three days and features all kinds of performers from all kinds of backgrounds and genres. In essence, you never really know what to expect from one group to the next. Especially, if you’ve never heard of the performer before. Every year, we have one or two acts that just seem to stand out from the rest. This year, for me, there was one act particularly that just hit me just right. That band was called Bonepony. Now, ya gotta understand what I like in a performance to start with. I like nergy. Not just fast and loud, but physical energy as well. Too many bands just stand there. That bores me visually. I could sit in my home and listen to that and enjoy it just as much or more. For a show to be unique, I like something visually that cranks me up along with the music. Secondly, I like a positive show. One that cranks you up for all the right reasons. There’s too much pushing people down in this world. I look for and enjoy those things that push you up. And lastly, I like to see the personality of the performer onstage. I prefer to look at shows in the perspective of who they are moreso than a collective group impression. When I saw Bon Scott with ACDC, you knew what ACDC was all about. Brian Johnson carried the tunes ok, but he just seemed to be there. The focus shifted 100% to Angus, which was more than enough . But, with the dueling personalities of Bon and Angus, it was a unique experience that I still haven’t forgotten. Seeing ACDC in 1979 still ranks as my favorite show ever. When you saw them then, the energy level just exploded at you. The personalities just exploded at you. And, needless to say, the music just exploded at you. I’m not sure I ever experienced anything close to that since. Maybe Ted Nugent’s Guitar Army was fairly close, but all you got personality wise was Gonzo. This weekend was close to that. Now, one last preamble before I dig in too deep, the reason I remember ACDC in 1979 better than I do in later years was because I still remember laughing hysterically at what I was seeing. They were fun. Maybe not in all the right reasons, but they were an absolute riot.
This weekend came close to that feeling. First of all Bonepony’s primary personality shines through via Scott Johnson. Now, here’s Scott:
The immediate impression I got was a cross between Iggy Pop and Bobcat Goldthwait. Now, anyone who knows me well knows that is a most excellent comparison. Iggy had the energy, and Bobcat had, well, let’s jsut say a special presence. However, Scott’s smile was totally disarming. One look at him initially and I didn’t really expect too much musically.
Nick Ngyuen sort of had a Jimmy Page look and feel to me. Now, Jimmy’s never been one of my favoritest guitar players. But, he had a presence to him that few have been able to match. Jimmy, like few others, looked someone who was in control of what he was doing. I like that in a musician under one caveat. They have to match that look. And, I have to say, at least live, Nick is possibly the most incredibly talented string man I have ever witnessed in my entire life. The dude just bounced from one instrument to the next and played them in ways that most people only dream of. What most people forget is that Jimmy Page’s greatest solos were emulating other stringed instruments with his guitar. What he should have done is what I’ve seen people doing more of lately and Nick has down to an art form. They make other instruments sound like guitars. The advantage for Nick is multi-fold and it showed. They don’t have a bass player. Why bother when you can do it all yourself? Nick was amazing for me to watch. It’s not terribly often that a performer plays a popular festival in a small rural town that just makes me go “WOW!”. NIck and Cowboy Crush’s Debbie Johnson being the only two in many years. The things Nick does with strings just left me slack-jawed.
Kenny Wright plays the drums. Like the other two members, he played several instruments. Now, the thing about Bonypony is they are just a trio. That’s it. No studio stand-ins, nothing. Just the three of tiem. They made more sound than the follow-up act did with four guiters by a mile. That folks, is talent. Now, their music is pretty simple. Their message usually very upbeat. In other words, it’s hard to take them seriously. But, if you pay attention to what is being done and especially the live sound, you realize these guys are on a talent level very, very few bands ever achieve. They were pretty remarkable to me.
And quite frankly, the airwaves need a LOT more Bonepony’s that lift you up and lot less urban ghetto crap that beats our society down.
I will be seeing Bonepony again when I can. And, my five year old boy will be there with me.
Just a side note, I really pity whoever follows these guys during a show. Kinda reminds me of the days when ACDC opened for UFO. Anyone who attended those shows in ‘79 remember seeing UFO? Regardles of the hits count, these guys need to be the headliners. Or, at the very least, the show-closers.
Excellent show guys! I can’t recommend a better show for my peeps out there right now.
Gearing up for new year’s, here’s probably my favorite ACDC video:
If this don’t get ya in the mood to party, nothing will!
This has got to be any Dad’s dream come true:
Not only does my boy enjoy readying for bed to live old ACDC, he’s got Angus Young’s moves!
( By the way, that link up there is the single greatest live rock album of all time. He’s learnin’ right. )
For those of you wondering what I consider a “great hard rock band“, watch this:
The excitement and intensity of early ACDC concerts was unmatched in my opinion. No big hair, no makeup, no profanity. Just blistering guitars and fun lyrics. Why can’t bands do that today?
In the late 70’s to early 80’s CBGB’s in New York introduced young, pretty much unknown acts to the US that would come to dominate our youth culture for through the next century. ACDC, Blondie, The Talking Heads, The Ramones, The Police. Name any trend other than disco or urban rap, and CBGB is a major part of that trend for 20 years.
Now, due to a corporation taking over the Bowery Street location that houses CBGB, and their total non-desire to capitalize on a US landmark being in their building, they are basically evicting CBGB. This is nuts. Mayor Bloomberg needs to declare CBGB a historic landmark and protect one of the most visible displays of New York culture over the last 30 years that’s left. There’s not much time left according to the website. And, there’s definitely more critical events happening at this time. But, if you can spare a few minutes and harass Mayor Bloomberg, it certainly would be worth it. All of those pictures above were taken at CBGB. Think for one second which show you wish you had been at. That is true rock. That is real rock. There’s not enough left of that. I have had desires to take my son to something like CBGB when I visit New York next. It would really discourage me from wanting to visit New York if they keep tearing down their heritage. Don’t allow that to happen. Save CBGB!
Well, nevermind. CBGB’s is toast. Here’s some memories:
Two of my Top 10 concerts ever attended include ACDC.
Around 1980, I saw AC/DC in Louisville, opening for a band I can not even remember now. I’m pretty sure it was Aerosmith, but that could very likely be wrong. I had heard of ACDC, I had heard they were high energy, I still was not quite prepared for what I saw. They had just released Highway To Hell, and the single of the same name was rising the charts. They opened the show by most of the band, sans Angus, just walking onto stage and starting the song. Then Angus appeared and it was the fastest paced chaos I have ever witnssed for about 45 minutes solid. They started fairly normal tempo, and just kept picking up pace every single song until they absolutely couldn’t get any faster with Rocker. I laughed hysterically as Angus bobbed, danced, flopped, fell, mooned the audience, and just made an absolute idiot of himself. The crowd absolutely was nuts over ACDC. I knew right then these guys would be huge.
As it turned out, most of them wound up huge. Very shortly after that show, Bon Scott drank himself to death. Brian Johnson replaced him and they immediately released Back in Black, with one massive hit and several smaller hits. They then released For Those About to Rock shortly after. I attended that show as well. Brian was nowhere as fun to watch or listen to as Bon was, but Angus and the rest were even more energetic and alive. The canon shots during For Those About to Rock absolutely shook the entire arena. Angus was definitely sharper on guitar, and the sound quality was massive, as opposed to the bar-band sound I had heard before. It was #5 probably on my all-time list.
Years passed, I saw them again. They looked and sounded tired. Age has been harsh on Angus. I’ll always remember him as I saw him live. Some bands need to know when to fold them. Now is the time for ACDC.
However, even if they do retire, they’ve left MANY rock classics I will always love. Here’s my version of a few. Remember, don’t be too harsh, I only do this for fun!
Moon’s ACDC
Here is the Music Player. You need to installl flash player to show this cool thing!
Here’s a few Bon Scott era AC/DC albums that best summarizes their early years. ( and one Not-Bon to boot. )
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