Accent the Positives

Back in the waning days of my previous marriage, things had gotten to the point where there was practically no “contact” at all between me and the very-soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-Moon. During a discussion of this issue, she suggested I needed at least one or more concubines. Being as I had no clue what a concubine was, I researched it and it seemed quite pleasing. So I immediately advertised on what eventually became the Microsoft Gaming Zone ( it was a LOT smaller then ). I posted the most self-centered egotistical thing ever on there sincerely. I mentioned I needed a concubine, explained the rules of concubinism ( no emotional attachments, purely for sexual gratification only ), asked for details of how they would please me, had to have physical details, along with a picture illustrating their physical attributes. I got 300 emails within about 1 week. I scoured these emails and picked a handfull of them. I talked to the first one, who was from Texas, and that went OK, we arranged a date. I later got a call from a second one, when I answered the phone, she just laughed hysterically for about five solid minutes. She was French Canadian, and had NEVER heard an accent like mine in real life. We eventually got past the hysterics and talked a while, and arranged a date. She decided to come to Kentucky. She arrived at the airport, I chased her down, opened my mouth and uttered “Welcome to Kentucky”, she bent over laughing again. We dated for about six months off and on. Once she stopped laughing at my accent, it was pretty much over.

The Most Astounding Person

Making babies was a pretty frustrating effort for me for a long time. My first wife and I were born to fortunate familes, I was heavily invested in businesses, and although I incurred some debt coming out of college, was well on my way to acheiving a fairly well-to-do life. But, we couldn’t have kids for some reason. During a time of my life when I was enduring the loss of the single most important person in my life, my mom, I was getting practically no sleep at all, staying with her in the hospital for days on end as her life with me was ending. For reasons known only to God and my ex, the docs decided to test me. They pretty much came to the conclusion that my count was so low, only in-vitro would work. Four in-vitros and $20,000 cash later, still no luck. My objections were dismissed that MAYBE the problem wasn’t me. MAYBE since they tested me during a time of sleep deprivation, they got a bad reading. That went nowhere. After the death of my mother I made some hard decisions and decided a life of 18 hour work days, coupled with God intervening to prevent permanent attachment, meant that in order to be happy, I had to look somewhere else. So I did.

After a few mis-steps, I finally met the new Mrs. Moon. We lived in sin for a couple of years just to make sure we weren’t making another mistake. She told me she wanted a commitment, I told her I wanted a kid. She won, we got married on the beaches of the Bahamas. She is a very dynamic girl socially, so we partied and had a great time. I figured since I had had so much trouble in the past, once things settled down we’d do what we had to in order to have a kid. No big deal, no rush. The following Spring we took a long trip to California where we met Fools CCSand ( and family ), and Hedonsitix. Life was good. I was preparing to turn 40 with a monster bash on the lake, complete with professional strippers from Tampa, a live band, a large houseboat, and enough alcohol imported from Mexico to make every single babe on the lake horny and drunk enough to cause an outbreak of orgy this part of the country had never experienced before. I was more than ready.

Then the strangest thing happened. My wife informed me she was pregnant.

Having endured somewhere around 10 miscarriages by various women including my ex, I was leary to say the very least. However, this time things progressed perfectly, with no complications at all. A good friend of mine, a Cuban radiologist, snuck us into his lab so we could watch things progress on a regular basis ( about once a month ). Finally, 2 days before Christmas, Brendan was born.

Special things only become more special when you’ve had to struggle to get it. There will be more here on the miracles of children, there’s no way I can avoid it.

Comfortably Numb

I love music. I haven’t always played well with others and never possessed the talent other friends did, so never made it in a band. That never distracted from my love of music tho. In the mid 80′s or so I was made aware of the ability for the very average person to perform all of the instruments of a song without having to know how to play any instrument other than rudimentary keyboards. Note only that, but quite a few songs were already keyed. MIDI turned me on to what I could never do as a performing musician. I just love it. Over the years MIDI’s evolved as well as PC hardware and especially MIDI software such as Cakewalk. Cakewalk allowed special affects that actually sounded like the effect was supposed to. PC generated music no longer had to sound like flip-phone dialtones. In this directory I will be discussing and playing some remakes I have done.

This is the first song I ever remixed outside of MIDI. Pink Floyd has always been one of the bands I’ve admired. They have never feared straying from musical or artistic norms. Their music is often complex and filled with little nuances that doesn’t quite qualify as Top 40 packaged music. For that reason alone, The Wall and Dark Side Of The Moon have been two of the all-time greatest selling albums, and still sell to this day. Here is my version of Comfortably Numb. I stick pretty close to the original, I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t. A lot of songs here I change to some degree, not this one. I don’t add any vocals, as I use these as karaoke when I drive.

Hope you enjoy it. Comments are welcome, don’t be too harsh tho, I only do this for fun.

Here are some Mooned Floyds:

Here is the Music Player. You need to installl flash player to show this cool thing!

And here is the ultimate performance of Comfortably Numb from the Division Bell Tour of 1994:

Afghans Look Forward

FOXNews.com – U.S. & World – Reporter’s Notebook: Afghans Look Forward: “Presidential campaign politics are not limited to the United States this summer. Big surprises, tough choices and security concerns are the backdrop for the upcoming Oct. 9 Afghan presidential election. Sound familiar? ”

I’m wishing them all the luck in the world on this election. They need it more than anywhere else on the planet probably. The brutality in Afghanistan goes back a thousand years, hopefully this is the turning point that helps put it to an end.

CIA Asks Bush To Discontinue Blog

CIA Asks Bush To Discontinue Blog

Looks like everyone’s gettin in on the action. Although Dubya’s is pretty good, I think mine is better.

And, so far, the CIA has not asked me to discontinue mine.
:)

God’s Sense of Humor

Man has progressed to the point where he can peer through the universe and gaze at the wonders God created. What do you suppose one of the first things man sees is? Look closely, it has a message:

Cafe Hedonistix

My good buddy Hedonistix ( aka —H ), has started a blog as well here. Visit him and tell him I said Heya!

Cafe Hedonistix

Conflicting non-policies

I talked to the state about our recent re-certification for a particular service we provide, but I don’t like. They certified us last year, but never gave us any policies and procedures. We’re just winging it. During this re-certification they complained about a certain policy we had. They were reading the wrong company policy manual. I informed them of this. They felt this alternative policy to a service that didn’t affect them was in conflict with the policy they never gave me. I assured them that the policy has nothing to do with them therefore does not conflict with the policy we’ve never seen. They were not happy with that answer and wanted me to clarify our policy in regards to their policy. I assured them that since they had required no policy, we had never written one. So therefore, the policy that we didn’t write could not conflict with the policy they had never written. They still were not happy and wrote us up on the issue. In my response to their requesting more clarification on the policy we didn’t have in regards to the policy they never wrote, I responded “N/A”.My boss signed off on it.

( Follow-up: The week of May 13, 2003, more than TWO YEARS after this incident, we got a letter stating they are examining the issue and will get right back with us. I swear on anything you want this stuff is true. )

The employee that never was

Today at work, I was given a letter stating that although our original appeal against a former employee had been awarded, the person was now appealing the appeal, since they never technically quit. They just quit coming to work. The appeals board apparently felt this was good enough to have someone drive 75 miles to appear in front of the appeals board to prove, that, yes, in fact, they just quit coming to work, but no, they didn’t technically quit ( you don’t get benefits if you quit ). I felt particularly put out by this whole scenario since the person never even worked for my company in the first place. Ever. The person being subpoenaed in order to testify that the other person never technically quit, has never worked for my company either. I called the state to inform them that the person that never quit had never actually worked there, and the person they chose to testify that the person that never quit had never worked there also never worked there either, so therefore I had no evidence to prove that the person who quit that never worked there actually did quit. They had to investigate my assertion and call me back.

I haven’t received the call yet.

Friends Like These

monkeyfriends

With friends like these, who needs enemas?

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