Tiger’s women

This story has gone from sad, to pathetic, to surreal.  Now we’ve even got women wishing to remain anonymous claiming to have slept with Tiger.  Guess they want their cake and eat it too.  Which of course, is what Tiger wanted as well.  Now that his entire image has been reduced to that of the average mortal male, I’d like to look at this from a crash-and-burn-worthiness angle.  Being as I obviouslywasn’t hanging out with Tiger during this stuff, I’ll have to rely on one of the many Tiger Woods’ crash-and-burn timelines.  For no other reason than chance luck, I’ll use gawker.com’s.

Thanksgiving 2009.  The very bizarre story of Tiger sleep driving with his wife chasing him with a golf club emerges.  That’s when this all starts as far as the media goes.

#1 Rachel Uchitel:

Not terribly sure.  This pic, yes.  Some others, not so much.  Personality wise she seems to be more of a hanger-on than a source of entertainment.  I’d probably pass.

#2, Jamie Grubbs.  All-around pass for me.  I don’t get into the emo-pout thing at all.  If my world’s going to crash and burn, and I know it, it’s going to have to be fun, as in chuckles.

#3 looks nice enough, seems pleasant enough, but that’s just not crash-and-burn worthy.

Now we’re getting somewhere.  Contestant #4, Jamie Jungers, is a model.  She supposedly started doing Tiger because she was engaged to a guy who was a Tiger fan.  Great bod, great smile, great poses, and apparently dumb as mud.  Possible crash-and-burn status here.  The only hold-up here is I can see her doing a Wings’ Jenny McCarthy.  I really can.

Don’t have much to go on with #5, Cori Rist.  But, from what I’ve seen so far, definitely not crash-and-burn worthy.

#6, Mindy Lawton, not crash-and-burn worthy for me personally.  She earned a nickname with Tiger, “rag doll”.  That doesn’t shout out for me either. Whew.

I think at this time Tiger realized that crash-and-burn was probably becoming likely and decided to finish out in typical Tiger fashion.  No one beats Tiger down the stretch.  #7 , Holly Sampson, is a smoking hot, sillicone enhanced, experienced porn star.  I can attest she knows what she’s doing.  Can’t show it here, but she’s good at what she does.  Real good.  Crash-and-burn worthy good.

From this point on it gets kinda muddled as they came out fast and furious.

Joslyn James.  Well, that’s not really her name.  That’s her stage name.  She’s a porn star too.  Now, she’s not quite the looker Holly was, but she does things Holly hasn’t so far.  Not sure about Tiger, but apparently I’d need some assistance.  That could be exciting, that could be annoying.  Bottom line, I think I’d pass on crash-and-burn worthiness.  This one would be more like a going-out-in-flames category.

Loredana Jolie looks perfect, and likes to take her clothes off a lot.  I had a problem finding a pic with her clothes on.  However, my experience in life is girls who do that, well, do that.  Fun to look at, not crash-and-burn worthy.  I want an experience to go with it.  She’d have to convince me she’s a lot more special than all the other girls who like to look at themselves naked were.

Some people consider Julie Postle #4, others not at all.  Either way, looks fun, obviously, and is very very cute.  Possible crash-and-burn worthy.  If of course, she’s sober enough.  I’m too old to enjoy sloppy drunks.

Theresa Rogers.  Looks OK, but not my type.  Not crash-and-burn material here.

Then of course, there’s been the several who claim to have slept with Tiger, but don’t want anyone to know about it.  Those would definitely not be crash-worthy, unless one is Salma Hayek.  I expect my crash-and-burn facilitator to be proud.  To be excited.  To want to shout out to the world what they’ve done.

When this thing I thought was put into all perspective was when we got this quote:

And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut.” – A. Dupre.

Fantastic insight coming from a crash-and-burn worthy candidate.  However, none would ever match the ultimate crash-and-burn worthiness of:

Famous, smoking hot, apparently kept a secret, and the envy of everyone.

Until Tiger scores one of those, he’s just screwing around on his pregnant wife.  No one really thinks much of that.

Tiger finally got smart and told the world he was going to take some time off from golf and leave the country, for a while, with his family.  Leaving the gold clubs at home is probably the smartest move he’s made in a while.

But, I think I’ll wrap up by pointing out that I don’t really see the point in crashing and burning if this is what you came home to at the end of a hard of playing golf:

I actually feel sorry for Tiger.  He’s got a problem.  Being so addicted to something so shallow has got to be a depressing feeling.  When he gets his head on straight, if it’s not too late, then he’ll be my envy again.