I like to keep an eye on Google trends.  It tells me what people think is very, very, important in the world.  Sometimes it even makes sense.  Today is not one of those days.  Most of the phrases are meaningless jibberish to me.  However, the one word I did recognize, and do enjoy, is “Dolph”.  That’s as in “Lundgren”.  That’s as in mindless beefcake psychopath.  If Dolph’s in it, there’s blood.  There’s death.  There’s lots of mono-syllable words.  His stuff’s so good I had to stick my random quote generator on here just to handle it.  When researching Dolph, the very first thing you have to know is that when I was a young adult, new wave hit the scene.  People were tryign to out-weird each other.  You could tell some tried very, very, hard to outweird everyone else.  Then, there were some you knew came by it naturally.

Grace Jones came by it naturally.  For a skinny white boy living in the outskirts of Appalachia in the early 80′s, Grace Jones was just real scary.  About as scary as you could get.  Dolph shagged her.  Now, that picture’s kinda artsy and pretty.  But, I imagine a scene more like this:

On top of this:

A clash of titans.  A battle of semi-gods.  Wild, feral animals destroying everything surrounding them in such a monstrous physical display that children wept unknowingly for hundreds of miles and even Satan had to look the other way.

Apparently that didn’t happen.  Shortly after splitting with Dolph, she decided she was lesbian.  I’m guessing steroids might have had something to do with that.

Dolph and Grace both went on to immediate success.  Grace as a barbarian, Dolph as a boxer.  Grace would also stake her claim as a musician.  Dolph would expand his role as an actor by portraying a barbarian.  Granted, this barbarian had super powers.  He then would move on to a guy who killed people.  Then, he would play a guy who killed people.  Then, tired of what was becoming an obvious stereotype, he would play a guy who killed aliens.  That went nowhere.  So, he played a guy who killed people.  Tired of being stereotyped as a mindless piece of meat, Dolph got a degree in chemical engineering.  Motivated by flexing his cerebellum in such a profound way, he immediately inked several movies to play characters that kill people.  Thirty years later he’s still at it.  Next year we can expect to see Dolph playing a guy who kills people AND portraying a barbarian.  How does he do it?  I put together a slideshow of Dolph’s movie career with links to allow you to enjoy all his classics in all their glory.  Some movies didn’t make the video on demand list, so you’d have to get the dvd.  Shame huh?  My personal recommendation would be Johnny Mnemonic in which he co-stars with Keanu Reeves.  Does it get any better than that?