Jessica Biel: Esquire’s Sexiest?
Here we go again. Out of the approximately 3 billion living females on this planet, Esquire Magazine has decided they know which single one is sexiest. I’ve never believed there is one single sexiest woman. And, for sure this wouldn’t be it:
Yup. That’s correct, the sexiest woman alive is Jessica Biel. I tried to sympathize with the folks at Esquire and looked this from different angles.
The body:
Definitely wouldn’t kick her out of bed. But, then again, I bet I can find a few hundred porn stars with similar attributes. It’s a good one, but it’s not outstanding. And, from the looks of the first pic, that’s not what it looks like now.
The mind:
I haven’t had a chance to sit down with Ms. Biel to discuss physics, so I have to rely on images. In the above pic, she looks like a fun mind.
In this pic, not so much "fun", but maybe more exciting. However, we’re talking "sexiest" here, not "macho-ist".
Etiquette:
A huge factor in the "sexiness" factor is knowing proper etiquette at the proper time. Apparently Ms. Biel isn’t too well versed in proper bathroom etiquette. You wash your toes at home, not in public.
Animation ( how other artists perceive you ):
Looks kinda plain. The dog has as many features. Not good.
Fashion:
Uh, nuff said.
And finally, sex technique:
Pretty dang good.
However, this is the only pic where she looks "sexy" to me at all. She looks like the girl next door posing nekkid more often than not to me. That’s not sexy. Gazing longingly at her banana and absolute proper placement of both hands, eyes, and lips is sexy. However, I don’t think Jessica can make a career out of dangling bananas sensuously from her lips for any extended period of time. I also don’t think she’ll be making a career out of being the "sexiest woman" alive for any extended period of time either as long as she keeps buffing up and running around decked from head to foot in artillery. That’s just not sexy. I don’t have a clue what Esquire was thinking. ( Clue here: Salma Hayek is sexy. Jessica’s beautiful, but not sexy. )
UPDATE July 20, 2006: Ever wonder how much it would cost to get a date with Jessica? Try $30,000. If that scares ya, imagine what she had to say leading up to it: "I promise, I’m a cheap date."
Not cheap enough for me. Only my wife demands that rate with me!
In the above pic, she looks like a fun mind.
You sure it was her mind that you think is “fun.”
I disagree, and you should be censored.
i agree
[...] lips, boobs that were huge and looked like they could fend off bullets, and a body that would make Jessica Biel jealous. Jolie just didn’t pull that off for me. She was just plain too little in every [...]
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