VH1 runs these incredibly poorly designed "Greatest" lists. They recently rant the "Greatest 100 Artists of Hard Rock". A friend of mine dropped in and we discussed it. He was laughing so hard about it that I had to look it up. He was right. This thing is incredibly bad. "Bad Brains" is one of the 100 Greatest While Mick Ronson’s not even on here? Quiet Riot makes it for doing a Slade song a little softer. Lenny Kravitz gets on here for doing a Guess Who song worse. Spinal Tap aren’t even human, they’re fictional. Most of the bands won’t be remembered five years after they’re gone. I mean, Fugazi? Lita Ford? Bad Brains? Living Colour? The Misfits? And for that matter, Metallica. People aren’t emulating Metallica, they’re emulating the bands Metallica emulate but won’t admit to. Those are the bands that should be in the Top 100, but aren’t. And for that reason, this list flunks. It flunks about like that stoner in every class that thinks he’s cool just because he’s stoned. What happens if he’s not stoned? He’s just stupid and not stoned. This list is stupid and not stoned. I don’t know what their criteria is. Bands from any genre are in there or not. There apparently is no definition for "Hard Rock" according to VH1, anyone can be in it if VH1 wants them in it. It just sucks. I wish some music organization would take themselves serious enough to do this right.
|
100 |
Quiet Riot | Rather than salute Quiet Riot for "Cum On Feel the Noiz", why not salute the band that did it first and pretty much the same? Slade did a much better job with the song. Where is Slade? |
| 99 | Bad Brains | Who the hell is this? |
| 98 | Mountain | Needs to be MUCH higher. Bands today are still compared to Mountain. |
| 97 | Primus | Who cares? What did they ever do? |
| 96 | Meat Loaf | Meat Lead is pop. Not even rock. |
| 95 | Fugazi | Who the hell is this? |
| 94 | Yes | Yes is "Hard rock? Gimme a break! |
| 93 | Lenny Kravitz | Lenny’s biggest hit is "American Woman". Why not just salute The Guess Who? What’s that, they’re not here either? |
| 92 | The Black Crowes | One hit. I wouldn’t even call it hard rock. I call it Southern Rock. |
| 91 | The Misfits | Who the hell is this? |
| 90 | Rainbow | Most over-rated band in history. Quick, name a Rainbow hit. |
| 89 | Lita Ford | Joan Jett Wannabe. Her only hit wasn’t hard rock. |
| 88 | Tool | Sheez. |
| 87 | King Crimson | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 86 | Foreigner | About right. |
| 85 | Whitesnake | ( wiping tears from my eyes ). Later. |
| 84 | UFO | ( Still wiping tears ). Yeah, those hard rock GODS. |
| 83 | King’s X | Oooohhhh Kayyyy. |
| 82 | Queensryche | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 81 | The Pixies | No one ever really liked the Pixies. |
| 80 | Green Day | About right. |
| 79 | Ratt | Big Hair was not Hard Rock. It was distorted pop. |
| 78 | Marilyn Manson | Industrial Rock is not Hard Rock. Hard rock features singers. |
| 77 | Hole | What has she EVER done that puts her in this category? |
| 76 | Bon Jovi | Big Hair was not Hard Rock. |
| 75 | Spinal Tap | These guys were fictional characters. |
| 74 | Pat Benatar | ( wiping tears from my eyes ). Later. |
| 73 | Twisted Sister | OK, so they were hard rock. But how many albums does it take to get on this list? |
| 72 | Foo Fighters | Not Hard Rock. |
| 71 | Lynyrd Skynyrd | 71? Free Bird only merits 71? These guys defined a rock generation and all they get is 71? |
| 70 | Living Colour | Give me a freakin break. If these people think Living Colour and Megadeth are greater than Lynyrd Skynyrd, this thing is going nowhere but down. It’s already sucking pretty bad too. |
| 69 | Megadeth | Who the hell ever actually liked Megadeth? |
| 68 | Hüsker Dü | Local cult act is about all they ever managed. |
| 67 | The Rolling Stones | 67? |
| 66 | Joan Jett | 66? Let’s see. The Rolling Stones have sold albums for about 40 years. They’re touring again this year. Joan Jett made what, 2 albums? What made her "great"? |
| 65 | The Cult | The Cult are not Hard Rock. |
| 64 | Steppenwolf | One hit gets them 64, about 100 hits get the Stones 67. |
| 63 | Boston | Corporate rock with a bang. But, I don’t really consider them "hard rock". |
| 62 | Ministry | Who the hell is this? |
| 61 | Jethro Tull | This has got to be the longest running joke in rock. |
| 60 | The New York Dolls | The only thing the Dolls did was wear dresses before Ziggy. That’s it. Where is Mick Ronson on this list? |
| 59 | Bad Company | I would have had them higher. |
| 58 | Anthrax | Give me a break. What is their accomplishment again? |
| 57 | Heart | Should be higher. |
| 56 | White Zombie | Give me a break. What is their accomplishment again? |
| 55 | Blue Öyster Cult | Not really hard rock. |
| 54 | Sonic Youth | Give me a break. What is their accomplishment again? |
| 53 | Korn | Their only contribution to rock is showing that you truly can make a living knowing only one word. |
| 52 | Faith No More | 52? Epic. That’s it. Put them about 90 for proving a hard rock song could still make in the world of rap. |
| 51 | Thin Lizzy | About right. |
| 50 | Slayer | About right. |
| 49 | The Smashing Pumpkins | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 48 | Janis Joplin | About right. |
| 47 | Rollins Band | Rollins Band over Lynyrd Skynyrd? Henry will tell you that ain’t right. |
| 46 | Scorpions | Give me a break. What is their accomplishment again? |
| 45 | Pantera | Give me a break. What is their accomplishment again? |
| 44 | ZZ Top | Under-rated |
| 43 | Nine Inch Nails | Give me a break. What is their accomplishment again? |
| 42 | The Kinks | Under-rated |
| 41 | Ted Nugent | Under-rated |
| 40 | Stone Temple Pilots | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 39 | Crazy Horse | ( wiping tears from my eyes ). Later. |
| 38 | MC5 | Give me a break. What is their accomplishment again? |
| 37 | The Yardbirds | Not Hard Rock. |
| 36 | Frank Zappa | Not Hard Rock. |
| 35 | Jane’s Addiction | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 34 | Alice in Chains | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 33 | Rage Against the Machine | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 32 | The Doors | OK I guess for the purposes of a popularity poll, which is all this truly is. |
| 31 | Def Leppard | About right. |
| 30 | The Red Hot Chili Peppers | Under-rated |
| 29 | Mötley Crüe | ( wiping tears from my eyes ). Later. |
| 28 | Rush | Over-rated and forgotten. |
| 27 | Iggy Pop | About right. |
| 26 | Motörhead | I don’t know that I would call these guys Hard Rock. Heavy metal is more appropriate. |
| 25 | Cheap Trick | Over-rated for the purpose of this list. |
| 24 | Iron Maiden | About right. |
| 23 | Judas Priest | Not Hard Rock. ( Heavy Metal ) |
| 22 | Deep Purple | Over-rated. |
| 21 | Pearl Jam | Over-rated and not hard-rock ( grunge ). |
| 20 | Alice Cooper | About right. |
| 19 | The Clash | I thought Punk was Punk? |
| 18 | Ozzy Osbourne | Heavy metal |
| 17 | The Ramones | About right. |
| 16 | Cream | About right. |
| 15 | Pink Floyd | About right. |
| 14 | Soundgarden | WAY Over-rated |
| 13 | Queen | About right. |
| 12 | The Sex Pistols | I thought Punk was Punk? |
| 11 | Aerosmith | Under-rated |
| 10 | Kiss | over-rated |
| 9 | Guns N’ Roses | WAY Over-rated |
| 8 | The Who | About right. |
| 7 | Van Halen | About right. |
| 6 | Nirvana | WAY Over-rated |
| 5 | Metallica | This entry alone PROVES this poll was generated only by kids between the ages of 12-25. How in the hell can a serious purveyor of music consider Metallica greater than Ozzy Osborne, Motorhead, Van Halen, or for that matter, Aerosmith, The Who, or Lynyrd Skynyrd? For that matter, Metallica isn’t even Hard Rock. Metallica isn’t Top anything. They suck. |
| 4 | AC/DC | About right. |
| 3 | Jimi Hendrix | About right. |
| 2 | Black Sabbath | Heavy metal |
| 1 | Led Zeppelin | Zep peaked when Rock was fun. Bands used to experiment a lot and cross over to different genres. For that I consider them one of the greatest Hard Rock bands ever. And, more importantly, one of the greatest bands ever. To say their "Hard Rock" songs made them the greatest in this category is perfect for me. I consider them the forefathers of Heavy Metal ( think Kashmir ). But, because they did experiment, and do it so well, Hard Rock is where they ultimately rule. They did it for several years, they inspired musicians, they sold millions of albums, and kept control of their image while doing their own thing. Musicians today NEED to look to Led Zep a lot more and the Metallicas a lot less. |
I’ve closed comments on this post as of June 2005. As I pretty much anticipated, metalheads protesting my criticism of this list can not speak more than 2 consecutive words without using profanity. One particular Metallica fan I should have left here. He couldn’t even spell "retarded" right. He tried and tried, I’ll give him credit for that, but it just wasn’t meant to be. If you have what you consider to be a real argument, email me. I may or may not change my mind. I’m open though. I was ready to change my opinion on The Misfits, but, the Metallica guy convinced me that The Misfits I got right in the first place. If the only band they did influence was Metallica, they don’t have much claim to be a "hard rock" great. And, if that influence drives people to the point where they can’t even spell retarded right, then they haven’t accomplished much.
Grow up people, it’s only entertainment. The days when rock entertainers took their music seriously passed a long, long time ago.
Pingback: Moonage Webdream » Blog Archive » Whole Lotta ACDC
Pingback: Moonage Political Webdream » Blog Archive » NRO’s Conservative Music hits
Pingback: Moonage Political Webdream