Moonage Webdream

Now, I have to confess, I forgot to watch this.  It was the boy’s prime playing time and we forgot to turn it on.  I’m sure it will be re-ran at some point, so it should examined anyway.  This is what CBS has to say about it:

College girl Danielle (Lucio) lies to her parents about her spring break plans and sneaks away to the fun-filled beaches of Florida with her two best friends. Soon after arriving, she falls for Shane (Smith), a handsome young blue-collar local working to raise college money.

While on vacation, Danielle seeks out her brother, Charlie (Wayne Thornley), a graduate student at the Florida Maritime Institute, whose thesis is on tiger sharks. Charlie cautions his sister to stay out of the water. He suspects that a large number of sharks are in the area due to a new artificial reef that was built to attract tourism.

Caught up in spring break fun, Danielle forgets her brother’s warning. However, on an overnight boat trip she and her friends are viciously attacked by a group of sharks. As they find their way to safety on an islet, the reality of the danger hits them even harder when the body of a friend washes ashore.

Sounds kinda cheesy.  This is what MSNBC has to say about it:

Classic scenes include one where a windsurfer is sucked from about two miles away straight into a shark’s mouth. There’s another where a guy slides off a pontoon into the fin-filled water and a second later a massive geyser of blood erupts from the ocean. There’s another where our three young heroes boat out to try and draw the sharks away from the swimmers and one of the sharks manages to harpoon one of the guys. And another where the sharks someohow start pulling our heroes’ boat right towards them and one of the kids actually says "They’re reeling us in!" Yes, these are brilliant sharks indeed.

The movie also featured a slimy guy who was feeding roofies to the pretty women, as if to say "See, Spring Breakers? Not ALL the sharks are in the water!" And our lead actress wore some kind of … swimsuit-corset combination that made her already generous breasts look like beach balls, and apparently the only acting direction she received was to keep her arms folded under her chest at all times, to keep her assets prominently displayed.

She’s lucky, though, her character actually got a name, unlike poor Miss Jessica Knight, listed in the credits merely as "Hot Girl." Never has a movie needed the ‘Bots from "Mystery Science Theater" more.

That’s pretty harsh.  And, coming from a competitor, I thought I better fact check some of their references.  I found this:

and this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

and of course, this:

and of course, this:

At this point, I don’t really see what the point in watching it on tv would be.  I guess I have to side with MSNBC that this sounds like a truly stupid flick featuring skin and gore.  I might watch it for the skin. 

And now, for something completely different:

That’s right, Florida averages less than one shark attack per year.  At least they could have set this movie somewhere where sharks are a little more prevalent.  If they want to sell me skin, at least make it something pleasing to the eye.  I tired of watching people eaten alive in 1975.  Make something like "Beach Volleyball: Babes at War".

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