Moonage Webdream

When I was in high school, four of my friends and I decided to go hunting. Being the true hunters we were, each one got a rifle with one bullet only, and a fifth of bourbon. This was to be a 2 day trip. The first day went by slowly, so we worked more on the bourbon and trying to get a fire going ( it was raining to some degree ). Now, when it rains in the woods, the next morning is foggy. Not your smoggy dirty city stuff, but kind of a myst hanging over everything, it’s cool to see. So anyways, we’re drinkin, gossiping, singing, doing everything that a good hunter never does, because we’re that good, and don’t need any more unfair advantage. Early in the afternoon or so, me and another friend were sitting on a log and he asks me to look in a certain direction and tell him quietly if he was indeed seeing a deer. I looked in the general direction and sure enough, it was a deer, lookin right at us from about 30 feet or so. Deer are pretty dumb, so one looking right at two guys with lots of bourbon and rifles didn’t strike any of us as odd. So, my friend whipped up his rifle and with one single shot nailed that deer literally right between the eyes. Of course the deer jerked his head back and we had to fetch our dinner. I had never shot a deer before, but this sounded really odd, not what I thought a deer would sound like. It sounded more like a guy squawling than an animal. Kinda creeped me out at the time. So anyways, we’re getting out stuff to hunt down and skin our meal when Jim comes flying out of the woods screaming like a banshee, throwing stuff at us, cussing unintelligently at us, with his hand on his crotch, no pants, and these stupid as hell underwear with a deer’s head on it. We had shot the tip of his pecker off.

That was the last time I ever went hunting for deer.

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